Could You Be Any More Offensive?
pic: Scotzine.com
You probably recognise the title because it's a quote from Wayne's World. It's what Cassandra said to Wayne after he said, referring to his love rival, Benjamin, "Maybe he's pokin' ya". His reply to her shocked response, "Could you be any more offensive"? was "Yeah" at which point, quite rightly, she threw him out of her flat.
A piece of fake news about so-called Political Correctness aroused my interest in what sort of thing people really do find offensive. The article in question was in an American web magazine and claimed that a little boy at school had been arrested for using racist language after calling a chocolate bun a brownie. That anyone could fall for such nonsense is depressing but not surprising; the fact is, of course, that chocolate buns have been known as brownies for generations and no reasonable person would consider the use of such an innocuous word to be a deliberate slur against dark-skinned people.
So, I put this little exercise on Facebook and on the Torquay United fans' forum, Beyond the Penn Inn Roundabout.
Here is an interesting exercise that I hope you will take part in. These are all true stories and I wonder which one you find the most offensive:
7. This was a genuine mistake. I really did think the man was my neighbour's son because he, superficially at least, looked much younger than she did. And I was trying to do him a favour by telling him he had left his lights on even though he had never been very nice to me. So, in conclusion, not only was I innocent of causing deliberate offence I was also being helpful. He did turn his lights off and consequently his battery did not go flat while he was up to whatever girlfriends and boyfriends do together in a ground floor flat.
1. This is going to surprise anyone who knows me and happens to be reading. If someone called their dog Nigger today it would be horribly offensive because it is a disgusting racist insult, but context is everything here and I genuinely do not think Uncle Arthur, who was a very kind man, meant to cause any offence. Nigger was not actually an unusual name for a black dog in the 1950s; it was also a nickname for boys called Neil. I knew a Neil and, like everyone else, called him Nigger. I had no idea it was a racist term aimed at black people.
Uncle Arthur deserves the benefit of the doubt. I really don't believe he was a racist because it would not have been in his nature. Had anyone told him that his dog's name was offensive he would have listened and done something about it. He probably never met a black person; certainly none of his family or neighbours were black so there was nobody around to be offended. Maybe it was naïve of him to give his dog that name, although, having said that I don't recall him ever referring to the dog as anything other than "Our Nig".
If Uncle Arthur were alive today and got a black dog he would call him Bob, because it wouldn't enter his head to call him anything even close to a name as offensive as the word Nigger is today.
6. Yes, the man in question shared Britain First's posts and yes, it's probably accurate, since they were the usual stuff about it being OK to shoot as many Muslims as possible because they are all terrorists, to call him a fascist. His friends certainly don't think so, though, and defended him in the same way that I just stuck up for Uncle Arthur. In my opinion, and it's a genuine one, he is a fascist but did it really do him, me or the world any favours to tell him so?
I could have (a) said nothing or (b) tried to engage him in conversation in an attempt to change his mind, although I must say I have never known (b) to be effective when it comes to the extreme right. I don't feel bad about it, but maybe I came across a depressing situation and made it slightly more so. My comment certainly didn't add to the amount of joy in the world so perhaps I should have just kept my mouth shut.
3. This was a joke, although the person on the receiving end certainly didn't think it was funny but felt very hurt. Although we laughed, it wasn't a very good joke. Friend B used Friend A to get a cheap laugh via humiliation. The intent behind what B said is important. I don't think he expected A to be as offended as he turned out to be. The fact is, or was, that A was quite pretentious although he certainly wasn't a bastard. He probably lived in fear of his pretentiousness being revealed and for it to happen in such a brutal manner would, indeed, have caused him real mental pain.
B had a reputation for his dangerous sense of humour and all of us had been on the receiving end several times but usually took it in good heart. I expect he thought A would do likewise and, perhaps, although I can't be sure, B would not have made the remark if he had known how badly it would be received.
5. This was a very rude and unfair response to a remark which was meant kindly and not intended to be the least bit patronising. Her gender was neither here or there as far as I was concerned so she was wrong to assume that I was treating her as if she were helpless just because she is female, but on the other hand she was very frustrated and it's likely that whoever had spoken to her in that particular situation was going to get a mouthful of abuse. Because I knew her pretty well and was aware that she was actually a decent, albeit sometimes bad-tempered person, I didn't take her calling me a patronising bastard too seriously. It was nasty but it could have been worse! She could have called me a patronising, bald bastard, for example. In the 1960s Brian Close was sacked as England's cricket captain for reacting to an insult like that.
4. This, on the other hand, did upset me. I found it difficult to sleep afterwards because I kept thinking about it. Maybe if I were given to using racist terms myself it wouldn't have bothered me, but I felt it was not only vicious but unfair. I have never called anyone a black, orange, brown, purple or any other colour of a cunt so I felt like saying "Hang on a minute. Save that for someone who might deserve it" but I was too scared to say anything at all.
But, having said that, I was partly in the wrong because I did cross the road carelessly and I did give him a V sign when he blared his horn, so it was in the heat of the moment that he threatened and racially abused me. And there's no point in beating about the bush; although what he said was dreadful and designed to be intimidating perhaps he feels he has good reason for disliking white people. Anyone who thinks non-white citizens aren't at a constant disadvantage in a city like Sheffield is avoiding an obvious fact.
He meant to be as offensive as he could without actually carrying out his threat to kill me, so I'm not giving him a free pass here, but there are, or might be extenuating circumstances that keep him from occupying the number 1 slot in my list.
2. Obviously not everyone is going to agree with me in singling out what, on the face of it, doesn't seem as shocking as numbers 4 and 5, but, as I wrote earlier, context is important. This insult was not delivered in anger or on the spur of the moment; it was a calculated ad hominem attack on someone who had never done anything to bring it on herself other than to take up the space he wished to occupy. She wasn't obese, by the way; she was a little bit tubby, probably enough to be slightly conscious of her weight, but clearly the offender had taken the trouble to dredge up the most offensive and hurtful thing he could think of to say to her at that moment.
She visibly winced as if she had been slapped in the face. Now, you might think that actually slapping her face would have been an even nastier thing to do, but I'm not so sure. Had he slapped her she might have replied with a punch on the nose but, shocked into silence, it wasn't possible for her to mount a stinging verbal comeback. Tears came into her eyes and she was unable to respond at all.
Actually, the victim was a person who was, herself, quite capable of delivering insults to other people when she felt in the mood to do so, so it could be argued that she wasn't in any position to get on her high horse, but the person who insulted her didn't know that. He hadn't met her before and so knew nothing about her other than he wanted her seat. It's the lack of any possible excuse, and the deliberation involved, that, in my opinion, make this particular act of offensiveness the most offensive of the lot.
But perhaps Steve from Torquay has a point. Apart from myself I'd be surprised if any of the protagonists remember any of the incidents above. They happened, then they stopped happening and then they were forgotten. Maybe we are too indulgent, at times, of people or groups of people who are quick to claim offence. As I write there seems to be a public feud going on, unnoticed by most folk who are too busy getting on with their day-to-day lives, between militant feminists on one hand and members of the trans community on the other. Both are searching to find the most offensive terms they know to describe their opponents while simultaneously reacting with outrage when insults come back the other way.
Political opponents and media pundits use the same tactics. Provocative questions aimed at eliciting an unguarded answer are a staple of any interview with a politician; some left wing websites routinely use "vicious" to describe any act or policy they disagree with while the right simply list examples of individual criminal behaviour to sully the name of entire religions and communities while indulging in horrific personal insults against their opponents. Again, when self-appointed religious leaders call for their critics to be executed for disrespecting their prophet then I find that attitude far more offensive than people expressing their opinion or belief (or lack of).
With regard to the 7 examples, I'd argue that it's the intention that is crucial. If someone causes offence by mistake then it's just bad luck. The other extreme is someone scouring the outer reaches of his/her mind to dredge up the most offensive thing they can imagine and then hurling it in the face of their victim. The internet has made it possible to do so from the comfort of a bus seat or a comfy chair in front of the TV, but if we were to delve into the world of Twitter abuse we'd have to begin a whole new chapter.
Last night I went to the match at Bramall Lane. When a Wolves player missed a penalty the Kop End didn't sing "Hard luck, old chap". They chanted "What the fucking hell was that"? You would expect nothing else at a football match, though, would you? It's not meant to be particularly offensive; it's just a Pavlovian reaction to a missed penalty by the other side. Had it been United who had failed, then Wolves' fans would have responded in the same way. A football ground is an example of an environment in which abuse, within boundaries, is not just tolerated but rather has actually become an essential part of the entertainment.
Currently, of course, the world is actually living with the possible prospect of an exchange of nuclear weapons. When the President of the USA threatens to obliterate another country it's time for rational people to say "Get out of the vehicle and step away from those missiles" because I believe it fair to say that when it comes to offensive behaviour, blasting millions of people and other sentient beings into oblivion must be about as bad as it can get.
1. When I was a little boy my uncle had a dog called Nigger.
2. A male friend of mine told a female friend of mine in a pub that if she weren't so obese there would be room for him to sit down.
3. Friend A asked some of us one night whether he had any nicknames he was unaware of. Friend B told him that he was known as Pretentious Bastard.
4. A car sped down the road outside my house and nearly hit me. The driver blared his horn and I reacted with a rude gesture. He reversed back to me and said "I'll fucking kill you next time. Now fuck off you white cunt".
5. When a woman colleague was frustrated with her computer I said "I'm sure you'll get the hang of it in a few minutes". She responded by saying "Fuck off, you patronising bastard".
6. A man I knew and quite liked shared stuff on social media that had been uploaded by Britain First. I called him a fascist.
7. I called at a neighbour's house and told her that her son had left his car lights on. But he wasn't her son; he was her boyfriend.
I must say I hoped for a bigger response but what I did get back was interesting. Numbers 1 and 4 received votes, which is an encouraging sign that people take racism seriously and dislike it, but Steve said that none of them are worth becoming offended over and that, basically, people should stop making a song and dance over what others say, swallow it, give the offender a suitable response and move on. Jim said he wouldn't find any of them particularly offensive if he were on the receiving end. Jim has had his share of abuse in the past so he is in a position to know what it feels like, and I guess he has developed, or maybe has always had, the thick skin that you need when you live, to any extent, in the public eye.
Here are my conclusions, with an explanation for each. Please feel free, really, please do, to discuss them further and to be as critical (in a non-offensive way, obviously!) as you like.
In reverse order:
2. A male friend of mine told a female friend of mine in a pub that if she weren't so obese there would be room for him to sit down.
3. Friend A asked some of us one night whether he had any nicknames he was unaware of. Friend B told him that he was known as Pretentious Bastard.
4. A car sped down the road outside my house and nearly hit me. The driver blared his horn and I reacted with a rude gesture. He reversed back to me and said "I'll fucking kill you next time. Now fuck off you white cunt".
5. When a woman colleague was frustrated with her computer I said "I'm sure you'll get the hang of it in a few minutes". She responded by saying "Fuck off, you patronising bastard".
6. A man I knew and quite liked shared stuff on social media that had been uploaded by Britain First. I called him a fascist.
7. I called at a neighbour's house and told her that her son had left his car lights on. But he wasn't her son; he was her boyfriend.
I must say I hoped for a bigger response but what I did get back was interesting. Numbers 1 and 4 received votes, which is an encouraging sign that people take racism seriously and dislike it, but Steve said that none of them are worth becoming offended over and that, basically, people should stop making a song and dance over what others say, swallow it, give the offender a suitable response and move on. Jim said he wouldn't find any of them particularly offensive if he were on the receiving end. Jim has had his share of abuse in the past so he is in a position to know what it feels like, and I guess he has developed, or maybe has always had, the thick skin that you need when you live, to any extent, in the public eye.
Here are my conclusions, with an explanation for each. Please feel free, really, please do, to discuss them further and to be as critical (in a non-offensive way, obviously!) as you like.
In reverse order:
7. This was a genuine mistake. I really did think the man was my neighbour's son because he, superficially at least, looked much younger than she did. And I was trying to do him a favour by telling him he had left his lights on even though he had never been very nice to me. So, in conclusion, not only was I innocent of causing deliberate offence I was also being helpful. He did turn his lights off and consequently his battery did not go flat while he was up to whatever girlfriends and boyfriends do together in a ground floor flat.
1. This is going to surprise anyone who knows me and happens to be reading. If someone called their dog Nigger today it would be horribly offensive because it is a disgusting racist insult, but context is everything here and I genuinely do not think Uncle Arthur, who was a very kind man, meant to cause any offence. Nigger was not actually an unusual name for a black dog in the 1950s; it was also a nickname for boys called Neil. I knew a Neil and, like everyone else, called him Nigger. I had no idea it was a racist term aimed at black people.
Uncle Arthur deserves the benefit of the doubt. I really don't believe he was a racist because it would not have been in his nature. Had anyone told him that his dog's name was offensive he would have listened and done something about it. He probably never met a black person; certainly none of his family or neighbours were black so there was nobody around to be offended. Maybe it was naïve of him to give his dog that name, although, having said that I don't recall him ever referring to the dog as anything other than "Our Nig".
If Uncle Arthur were alive today and got a black dog he would call him Bob, because it wouldn't enter his head to call him anything even close to a name as offensive as the word Nigger is today.
6. Yes, the man in question shared Britain First's posts and yes, it's probably accurate, since they were the usual stuff about it being OK to shoot as many Muslims as possible because they are all terrorists, to call him a fascist. His friends certainly don't think so, though, and defended him in the same way that I just stuck up for Uncle Arthur. In my opinion, and it's a genuine one, he is a fascist but did it really do him, me or the world any favours to tell him so?
I could have (a) said nothing or (b) tried to engage him in conversation in an attempt to change his mind, although I must say I have never known (b) to be effective when it comes to the extreme right. I don't feel bad about it, but maybe I came across a depressing situation and made it slightly more so. My comment certainly didn't add to the amount of joy in the world so perhaps I should have just kept my mouth shut.
3. This was a joke, although the person on the receiving end certainly didn't think it was funny but felt very hurt. Although we laughed, it wasn't a very good joke. Friend B used Friend A to get a cheap laugh via humiliation. The intent behind what B said is important. I don't think he expected A to be as offended as he turned out to be. The fact is, or was, that A was quite pretentious although he certainly wasn't a bastard. He probably lived in fear of his pretentiousness being revealed and for it to happen in such a brutal manner would, indeed, have caused him real mental pain.
B had a reputation for his dangerous sense of humour and all of us had been on the receiving end several times but usually took it in good heart. I expect he thought A would do likewise and, perhaps, although I can't be sure, B would not have made the remark if he had known how badly it would be received.
5. This was a very rude and unfair response to a remark which was meant kindly and not intended to be the least bit patronising. Her gender was neither here or there as far as I was concerned so she was wrong to assume that I was treating her as if she were helpless just because she is female, but on the other hand she was very frustrated and it's likely that whoever had spoken to her in that particular situation was going to get a mouthful of abuse. Because I knew her pretty well and was aware that she was actually a decent, albeit sometimes bad-tempered person, I didn't take her calling me a patronising bastard too seriously. It was nasty but it could have been worse! She could have called me a patronising, bald bastard, for example. In the 1960s Brian Close was sacked as England's cricket captain for reacting to an insult like that.
4. This, on the other hand, did upset me. I found it difficult to sleep afterwards because I kept thinking about it. Maybe if I were given to using racist terms myself it wouldn't have bothered me, but I felt it was not only vicious but unfair. I have never called anyone a black, orange, brown, purple or any other colour of a cunt so I felt like saying "Hang on a minute. Save that for someone who might deserve it" but I was too scared to say anything at all.
But, having said that, I was partly in the wrong because I did cross the road carelessly and I did give him a V sign when he blared his horn, so it was in the heat of the moment that he threatened and racially abused me. And there's no point in beating about the bush; although what he said was dreadful and designed to be intimidating perhaps he feels he has good reason for disliking white people. Anyone who thinks non-white citizens aren't at a constant disadvantage in a city like Sheffield is avoiding an obvious fact.
He meant to be as offensive as he could without actually carrying out his threat to kill me, so I'm not giving him a free pass here, but there are, or might be extenuating circumstances that keep him from occupying the number 1 slot in my list.
2. Obviously not everyone is going to agree with me in singling out what, on the face of it, doesn't seem as shocking as numbers 4 and 5, but, as I wrote earlier, context is important. This insult was not delivered in anger or on the spur of the moment; it was a calculated ad hominem attack on someone who had never done anything to bring it on herself other than to take up the space he wished to occupy. She wasn't obese, by the way; she was a little bit tubby, probably enough to be slightly conscious of her weight, but clearly the offender had taken the trouble to dredge up the most offensive and hurtful thing he could think of to say to her at that moment.
She visibly winced as if she had been slapped in the face. Now, you might think that actually slapping her face would have been an even nastier thing to do, but I'm not so sure. Had he slapped her she might have replied with a punch on the nose but, shocked into silence, it wasn't possible for her to mount a stinging verbal comeback. Tears came into her eyes and she was unable to respond at all.
Actually, the victim was a person who was, herself, quite capable of delivering insults to other people when she felt in the mood to do so, so it could be argued that she wasn't in any position to get on her high horse, but the person who insulted her didn't know that. He hadn't met her before and so knew nothing about her other than he wanted her seat. It's the lack of any possible excuse, and the deliberation involved, that, in my opinion, make this particular act of offensiveness the most offensive of the lot.
But perhaps Steve from Torquay has a point. Apart from myself I'd be surprised if any of the protagonists remember any of the incidents above. They happened, then they stopped happening and then they were forgotten. Maybe we are too indulgent, at times, of people or groups of people who are quick to claim offence. As I write there seems to be a public feud going on, unnoticed by most folk who are too busy getting on with their day-to-day lives, between militant feminists on one hand and members of the trans community on the other. Both are searching to find the most offensive terms they know to describe their opponents while simultaneously reacting with outrage when insults come back the other way.
Political opponents and media pundits use the same tactics. Provocative questions aimed at eliciting an unguarded answer are a staple of any interview with a politician; some left wing websites routinely use "vicious" to describe any act or policy they disagree with while the right simply list examples of individual criminal behaviour to sully the name of entire religions and communities while indulging in horrific personal insults against their opponents. Again, when self-appointed religious leaders call for their critics to be executed for disrespecting their prophet then I find that attitude far more offensive than people expressing their opinion or belief (or lack of).
With regard to the 7 examples, I'd argue that it's the intention that is crucial. If someone causes offence by mistake then it's just bad luck. The other extreme is someone scouring the outer reaches of his/her mind to dredge up the most offensive thing they can imagine and then hurling it in the face of their victim. The internet has made it possible to do so from the comfort of a bus seat or a comfy chair in front of the TV, but if we were to delve into the world of Twitter abuse we'd have to begin a whole new chapter.
Last night I went to the match at Bramall Lane. When a Wolves player missed a penalty the Kop End didn't sing "Hard luck, old chap". They chanted "What the fucking hell was that"? You would expect nothing else at a football match, though, would you? It's not meant to be particularly offensive; it's just a Pavlovian reaction to a missed penalty by the other side. Had it been United who had failed, then Wolves' fans would have responded in the same way. A football ground is an example of an environment in which abuse, within boundaries, is not just tolerated but rather has actually become an essential part of the entertainment.
Currently, of course, the world is actually living with the possible prospect of an exchange of nuclear weapons. When the President of the USA threatens to obliterate another country it's time for rational people to say "Get out of the vehicle and step away from those missiles" because I believe it fair to say that when it comes to offensive behaviour, blasting millions of people and other sentient beings into oblivion must be about as bad as it can get.
Comments
Post a Comment